The Contempt of Wives

There are few things more toe curling and grimace educing than a contemptuous wife.

You’ve been there before. You have dinner with a couple and every time the husband does something – carves meat or passes a spoon or fiddles with the light switch – his wife will roll her eyes at the utterly stupid and useless way he’s doing it. The husband, trying to be nice for company, is successfully put on edge. He knows if he drops a knife with a clatter his wife’s eyes will spin with washing machine rapidity from her contemptuous delight.

Whenever he says something she will Read More


They Know

In separate incidents, two foreign girlfriends pumped me for information in order to gain hand and file away dirt for future arguments.

“Why aren’t you married?” they wanted to know.  I am at that age where people start to wonder.  I did my usual, infuriating prevarication.  None of their bloody business.

Both of them followed up with something that surprised me immensely: they asked me if it was because Read More


What do women do?

Have you ever been on a date?

Yeah, me too!

If you’re gainfully employed like I am then you’ll agree the biggest difficulty is not cost, but time.

Weekdays are right out.  I rise in the dark, run or lift, work, cook, read a few pages and fall unconscious until an hour before the following dawn.  If I want to scratch my arse during the week I have to schedule Read More


Why I Am Not Married

women falling.jpeg

I’ve been around the block a few times.

I’ve had a lot of girlfriends and there have been many, less serious others who have come and gone over the years.

So, why am I not married?  Why have I never even come close?

Even in my deepest, darkest days swilling pills of azure, I maintained a small particle of self-regard.  I would not take seriously a woman who demonstrated that she would hurt me or who was otherwise not up to scratch.

So what are their sins, these ladies who didn’t make the grade?  I list them here for your convenience and education: Read More