You don’t like me, do you?

I’ve noticed something.

Every so often I’ll suffer a burst of positivity.  Life is alright, I’ll think.  I’m riding to work, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, there’s no trouble, it’s quite safe, the urban scenery is marvelous – what have I to whinge about?  I smile at kids and cluck at dogs as I ride past.  I notice the pretty ladies.  Sometimes I start humming.  I’ve even whistled.

And within twelve hours it all goes to shit.

Perhaps this is a case of the statistical phenomenon known as Read More

Reverse racism! >:0

My boss’ car was dirty and someone scrawled on it, ‘Equatorial Guinea for Equatorial Guineans’.  Ha.  That little Immigration Patriot will receive nothing but virulent support from me.  If he’d similarly like to get all the Equatorial Guineans, and other Africans, to leave the West and go back to their own violent and poverty-stricken homelands, so much the better.  Perhaps he might start by calling around his overseas cousins, of whom I’m sure he has stacks.  In keeping Equatorial Guinea Equatorial Guinean, keeping the Equatorians in is the main challenge.  Keeping foreigners out is the easy part.  There are hardly any here.  Jesus, I know most of them personally.  Don’t worry, mate: foreigners don’t want to live here any more than you lot do.  Because of what you’ve done to it since the Spanish left.

But one can’t argue with an anonymous window scrawler.  I very much doubt he reads this blog.

I’ve lived overseas most of my life, and my experiences of racism have been Read More

Societies gone mad

On a post about the success of African adaptation, Comrade Luisman commented:

Isn’t it funny that a European invented the term Evolution, but to this day the Europeans don’t understand it. Africans have usually no clue about the theory of Evolution, but they intuitively understand it. Fuck, make babies, get at least two of them to adulthood. Let them fuck, make babies, etc.pp.

I’ve been turning this over in my mind.  Upon consideration, our maladaptive behaviour (invade the world, invite the world, turn sex roles upside down and inside out, and bear no children) is not unique.  One does not have to look far to find other cases of societies that have, from an evolutionary point of view, gone mad.

The classic case is that of Read More

The escapee

People often do runners from my workplace.  This is most common for locals.  There’s a weekend, or a holiday, and when we come back there’s someone missing.  Usually they’ve been long planning it and have pissed off over the border the moment they sensed an opportunity.

Good luck to them.

It used to happen a lot with foreigners, too.  After a break one would often be missing.  I know that feeling.  When the time comes to board the plane for the return flight, I Read More

A radical change of plans

Well, there have been some developments.  Some changes in my circumstances, some changes in my thinking – in short, my life has changed dramatically.  For the better.

I thought at first that I should start this post with the explanation, then the news, such that it would be easier for my beloved readers to absorb.  But, no – you can take it.  So here it is.

Though I have not always been fulsome in my praise for my present nation of abode, nor the culture of its inhabitants, it seems that one thing has led to another, and I am happy – no, delighted – to announce that Read More

‘What do you think of Equatorial Guinean culture?’

I’d been out of the country.  I’d fallen out of practice.  I wasn’t even consistently doing the ‘Equatorial headcheck’, i.e. the instinctive glance behind one to check for plainclothes police before making a negative political or social comment.  And we were in the bush, I was relaxed, and I was still in easygoing SEA mode.

This is not South East Asia.

There was a woman on our hiking trip who had long lived in Germany and had recently returned home.  She asked me, ‘So, what do you think of our Equatorial Guinean culture?’

I hesitated.

Then I Read More

How many paragraphs until they admit it?

From The Age: ‘Beachgoers attacked, robbed, glassed at Chelsea as teenagers run riot’.

Even foreigners would have picked the keyword in that headline, but let me fill you in on other facts: Chelsea beach is renowned for occasionally being a bit rough as it is just south of two high-immigrant suburbs, Springvale and Dandenong.  Just how rough it is at any given times depends on who’s living there – Vietnamese, Afghans etc.

Second, the nature of the attack is a dead giveaway – Read More

The Incapable Continent

While hiking up in the hills, a JICA guy pointed out a new groundwater and irrigation project in a valley far below.  He explained that it was to improve the water supply in a nearby village.

“Who did that for them, then?” I asked cynically.


A remarkable feature of this country is just how little the physical infrastructure has been improved since distant colonial times.  After decades of independence there are still only the old European buildings lining the streets.  There are no Read More

Africa wins again

There’s a saying here.

A Norwegian resources company finds rare earths in a remote part of the bush.  They try to set up the infrastructure to extract it.  They dig the hole, build the accommodation, and get almost all the permits.  Then they try to build a road to the port.  The road would go through the President’s friend’s hobby farm.  Permission is denied.  No alternative is found and the plan is Read More

Why a country is as it is

Recently the government here decided that the precarious water situation was under control.  City water had improved so much that they decided to ban private water truck deliveries.  After all, that water is more expensive.  It must be a scam.  City water ought to be good enough for anyone.

My canny reader wonders, why on earth would residents pay extra for unnecessary water anyway?  Do we really need a law against it?  You might as well ban staring at the sun or poking broken glass up your urethra.

TIA, mate.  This Is Africa.  Some houses are supposed to be Read More

Empathy and the rabbit incident

For some time I have puzzled that mothers and fathers here do not kick up much of a fuss about the enslavement of their children.  Their only way out of national service is to get pregnant (not an option for all), to sneak across the border or to just get lucky with some sort of medical or family grounds for release, which is not easy.

I know a guy who was forced to Read More


So Trump may or may not have called African countries ‘shitholes’.  It caused a bit of a stir over here in sunny Bumfuckistan.  I happened to meet some US diplomatic staff at a pizza place shortly afterwards and I asked for their reaction.

“Well, it’s true, but it’s not helpful to say it,” was the most common response.  I asked one fella what he’d say if directly confronted by local officials about it.  This was the speech he had prepared: Read More

Uptick in Crime

There’s recently been an increase in crime here.

This used to be one of the safest cities in Africa.  Perhaps it still is.  However, various factors are leading to the breakdown of old certainties.  Let us first look at the nature of crime here, then examine underlying causes.

But wait – should we not first consider why this place was so orderly to begin with?  Because that demands some explanation.  This is Africa, after all.  So let’s start there.

I am not a criminologist so I don’t really understand the details, but religion certainly plays a major role.  The people here are about evenly split between Read More

Be careful what you rebel for

When I say the government here is retarded, I do not mean that they waste money building bridges where none are needed or that clerical errors sometimes lead to public servants being paid late. I mean retarded.

They are trying to rein in the cash economy in order to either crush tax avoidance or to prevent people having the ready means to fund an escape across the border, depending on who you ask.

They suspect that some businesses are hoarding cash rather than depositing it in the bank, thereby revealing their true tax bill. So what did the government do about this? Did they Read More


Hiking in Australia, even just outside Sydney, you could walk for days and never see another soul. Here one always encounters boys herding goats, dusty villages, women collecting water and the odd camel train.

How much English does a local, twelve year old goatherd know, you might wonder. Well there’s one word he always knows very well and will repeat to you over, and over, and over, sometimes for hours, until you either leave the area or he can follow you no longer. He puts out a brown palm and says, Read More

Third World Attitude

What is your reaction, while visiting a certain type of unwalled, trench-style public lavatory, upon observing another man’s turd sail between your feet?

(a) Eww, that’s not right. I only want to see my own shit, and even that only for reasons of medical diligence.

(b) Indifference.

If you answered (a) above you have a First World Attitude. You do not want to look at ugly things or smell them and you get annoyed if there is a practical way around it that is not being utilized. You think that things should generally work. You also think that lights in an apartment should be wired such that they can all turn on (not 80% of them), that dangerous potholes should be filled, that breathing city air should not cause lung diseases and that when you turn the tap on, water should come out.

If you answered (b) then you have a Third World Attitude. You are probably not reading this blog. You are more likely to be using one of those revolting Socialist toilets with Chinese characteristics described, or wading through shit to get to the train station in India, or shooting rivals and bystanders in a favela, or screaming your head off in a Nigerian restaurant. If you have any contact with them, you wonder why those First World poofters get so upset about no water coming out of the tap and being so entitled that they expect to get such things fixed that very week. Like all your neighbours, you steal power from the grid. You don’t blink when the power goes off. You drive around potholes. You might even drop your dacks, squat and hang a shit just whenever and wherever it feels right, even if it be on a crowded street.

The Third World Attitude can be summed up as a dual lack of concern for doing one’s own job properly, and an indifference, reaching a point of simply not noticing, towards the poor job that others do. I choose the word ‘attitude’ carefully – it is not poverty itself. It is a way of seeing the world, or of failing to see what’s wrong with it and how it could be better. In extreme cases of Third World Attitude (India) people do not even seem to smell open sewers, rubbish dumps or leather works. They cheerfully stop in at tea stalls right next to them, and enjoy their chai without vomiting in spite of the filth that assaults their every, dulled sense from every direction.

An example. I live in one of the best apartments in this town. The rooms are spacious, the power is usually on, it has been painted, the toilets flush and there are rarely scorpions in the bath. The contractor who fitted it out and furnished it did as good a job as anyone would do in this country.

But then we get to the lack of attention to detail:

– Some windows have no curtains or fly screens

– Some lamps are without light bulbs

– Some lights do not work because of the wiring

– Some keys were not provided

– The washing machines do not work (wrong voltage)

– The replacement machine dispenses waste water straight on to the ground

And so on. None of these is serious enough to bother an experienced third world traveler like your intrepid narrator. What is annoying is that the contractor promised to return ‘tomorrow’ to fix these issues but now, months later, simply refuses to answer his phone. I could fix some of them myself, but why should I? The contract clearly states that it is his responsibility.  And if you give up and do things yourself, the third world attitude is reinforced and the people you have to deal with get even worse.

The latest issue is that we have run out of water. See, this town has no regular piped water. Who needs that bourgeois, first world poofterism? So we have to call the contractor to order a water delivery.

And he still won’t answer his phone.

Luckily we have a white blonde woman living in the house. Being who and what he is, the contractor cannot resist answering her call *just in case* and the message gets through. Maybe we’ll get water in a week or so. We had anticipated this situation and have prepared emergency supplies.

We are not allowed to have a key to the room with the tank so we can’t check the level. We just have to wait for the water to run out. Then we can’t order more ourselves because we don’t speak the vernacular and are not allowed to have the keys for the gate to let the water in anyway.  So here we are.

We use too much water. It can’t be helped because in this country with chronic water shortages, the owners of the building chose not to install any modern, water-efficient features like low-pressure showerheads or water-saving toilets. For that matter, despite frequent blackouts the solar backup is lame due to the lack of energy-efficient appliances and various other foreseeable fuck-ups.

With present technology the building could have been set up to be self-sufficient for long periods of time. A generator, solar battery, better water efficiency, etc. etc. Instead it is a lumbering dinosaur designed by people incapable of imagining a future that is better than the past. Even if the government is useless and the public infrastructure does not improve, this building could have been an island of frugal comfort amid the sea of dust and backwardness. They wouldn’t have had to invent these life-improving gadgets – just import them.

Finally, people here think foreigners are soft for throwing a hissy fit about having no water and so on (if you don’t throw a hissy fit, the water stays off until you do). Locals think that rich countries are rich simply through luck. Lucky white people, living in cities where the power is always on, except Adelaide. So lucky to have piped, potable water. So lucky that there’s WiFi and 4G. So lucky that the food doesn’t make you sick.

This is the keystone that connects the crumbling archway of the Third World Attitude – upon noticing that other countries do things properly, they put it down to luck, as though when the First Fleet arrived at Sydney Cove the convicts and redcoats were delighted to find it all set up with a modern sewerage treatment plant and daily flights to Hong Kong. The First World Attitude is to see that things could be better, and to make them so.

A salient demonstration of the difference between Third World Attitude and mere poverty is the case of post-war Japan. Most cities had been razed, railways destroyed, people were starving and crime was rampant. Having a First World Attitude, the Japanese rebuilt and created the country that we know today.

Having said all of that, Third World Attitude is a spectrum. You’ll find aspects of it in Melbourne when you see the lack of shame about the state of our airport and railways. You can see touches of it in Taiwan in the shabbiness of wiring, curbing, plumbing and so on in an otherwise capable nation. I can see aspects of First World Attitude in places like Cambodia, where some people imagine better shops, restaurants and hotels, and create them.

To build a better world you first need to imagine it. But don’t go imagining crazy things that won’t help like social engineering. Bricks and mortar, mate. Bricks and fucking mortar.