Advice for every nation

Have you ever thought, ‘If only people from Country X only knew what everyone thinks of them!’

In the interests of global peace and harmony, here we correct the world with very simple advice for many nations.  Please pay attention and be better from now on.

Afghanistan: leave boys and goats alone.

Argentina: put someone else in charge of your economy.

Australia: sometimes youse are a bit too perfect.

Cambodia: stop Hun Sen selling you out to China.

Canada: kick Quebec out.  Then Toronto and Ontario.

China: be more like Taiwan.

DR Congo: everything is super.

Eritrea: not every dispute need be a ferocious fight to the death.

Fiji: be nice to the Indians.

Finland: stop electing teenage girls.


Finnish cabinet meeting.

France: the government does not owe you a living.

Germany: toilets and whips are not required for lovemaking.

Greece: pay your taxes.

India: use the toilet.

Ireland: no one likes your prime minister.

Israel: you need more diversity.

Japan: cut out the pedo shit.

South Korea: take it easy on the cosmetic surgery.

Malawi: leave albinos alone.

Malaysia: we know you don’t like us and we don’t care.

Mongolia: it’s a bit unsporting to punch a fellow in the back of the head, especially when there are two of you and the police always take your side.

New Zealand: stop pretending you don’t like Australians.

Niger: use condoms.

Nigeria: stay there.

Pakistan: see Afghanistan.

Philippines: get married before you have babies.

Portugal: cheer up.

Puerto Rico: declare independence.

Qatar: stop enslaving people.

Russia: smile.

Okay, forget it.

Saudi Arabia: what you most hate about the West, is doubly true of you.

Syria: go home.

Sweden: be Vikings again.

Tanzania: see Malawi.

Turkey: calm down.

United States: soda is not a food group.

That’s more like it!

*               *               *               *               *

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  1. Kentucky Headhunter · June 10, 2020

    “Japan: cut out the pedo shit.”

    Not, “Enough with the tentacles already.”

    Don’t see the problem with S. Korea. Beverly Hills and NYC seem much, much worse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • jewamongyou · June 11, 2020

      I’m from Oregon, and yet I pity y’all in Kentucky for having such an evil governor. What are your thoughts on Andy Beshear promising preferential treatment for blacks for health insurance? It seems no place is safe from the current insanity. It’s mass hysteria, and I feel like I’m in a Twilight Zone episode where everybody’s losing their minds.


  2. freemattpodcast · June 11, 2020

    USA: ‘Merica’ is not appealing what so ever.


    • dickycone · June 11, 2020

      If only. If that were true millions and millions wouldn’t come here to settle permanently every year.


      • freemattpodcast · June 12, 2020

        Apparent freedoms are good. Redneck behavior and stupidity isnt.


        • dickycone · June 16, 2020

          If you’re not here, don’t come and please talk up how bad it is here wherever you are so that your countrymen won’t come either. We don’t need you.

          If you’re already here, no one is making you stay.


  3. A P P L I E D psychonautics · June 11, 2020

    ^_^ that was fuckin’ funny


  4. L. Beau Macaroni · June 11, 2020

    I see three types of advice in this post:

    Advice aimed at improving a nation’s international image: Germany, Malawi, New Zealand, et al.

    Advice that may improve a nation’s image somewhat, but is primarily directed at making life within the nation better: Argentina, Canada, USA, et al.

    Not actionable advice per se, just Nicky unleashing brutal honesty: Ireland, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia.


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