I cannot recall the line of reasoning to it. Perhaps there was none. I was in a conference as part of my professional development training and for some reason the fortyish lady delivering the presentation shifted, as fortyish ladies will do at the merest opportunity, into how Girls Are Good and Boys Are Bad. She didn’t specifically mention puppy-dogs’ tails but we got the idea.
She complained about how boys these days aren’t even taken girls out on dates. What has this to do with my job, you are wondering? Absolutely nothing at fucking all. But the kind of people my line of work attracts means that such sermons are par-per-course. And the fortyish lady said, sometimes boys don’t call, don’t even send a proper message; they just write, “Hey.” And no boy ought to dare message, “Hey” to her daughter! And all the girls and some pozzed guys cheered and clapped, and me and my tradcon-leaning colleague grimaced. We know the game, though – certain socio-political views may be expressed while other cannot.
I’ve said before, you should really listen to people, and the bigger the liar or the fuller of shit, the more you can learn. Take this woman’s comments – what a rich vein it is for us to mine!
She was absolutely furious when she was on about this “Hey” thing. Indignant. You got it yet? Yup, she was at the Epiphany stage and had herself been contacted by horndogs with the old Tuesday 10pm, “Hey.” She was probably divorced – a trendy woman of that sort does not stay married for an unfashionably long period of time. She was desperate for a beta provider to actually stay around after the last of her withered eggs had fallen off the vine and rotted upon that warm, sun-kissed Mediterranean soil, mourned by nobody, but the fellahs were not buying what she was selling. She was fairly well-preserved, alright for a Tuesday 10pm when someone else had cancelled, IF she was going to be no trouble about it, but if she were to get into speeches about ‘where is this going’ or ‘why did you invite me’ then she would not be contacted again.
Not even a “Hey”.
What she fails to ask, or wonder, is why boys no longer take girls on dates, and why they sometimes just message, “Hey” or, “げんき” or, “8======D”. And why do we do that?
Because that is what works.
Taking girls on dates (real dates, not just ‘a drink’) makes them uncomfortable, makes them think you’re trying too hard, and very often they flake anyway. Or they go on several dates with you then ghost. Or you finally end up in bed and you realize, they’d have jumped straight into it sans preliminaries were I cooler.
Longer messages? Consider this: “Hey, it was great to meet you the other day. It was fun and I found you really interesting. I’m hoping to meet you again because, you never know, this might turn out to be something special. Do you have any plans for Friday night? I’d love to take you to my favourite Chinese place and then maybe bowling.”
Every man who has dated in the last fifteen years just winced like he’d been kicked in the balls, and he kind of was. Girls do NOT respond favourably to messages like that. Well, fortyish presenters might if it came from a guy who offered ‘security’, but no others. Well, maybe Pinays. Still, it was completely unnecessary and 56 words too long.
The “Hey” does not always generate the required response, but on the other hand it takes no time or effort. The time:root ratio of “Hey” is quite good – not great, by any means, but certainly the best strategy currently available. So that is why we do it.
When I was younger this was not the case. We still properly dated up until the early 2000s. Since then girls have focused more on their education and careers, and are less inclined to have serious boyfriends at a young age. At around thirty they might deign to take seriously a man who asks them out to dinner. And they only insist on it once they are fortyish divorcees.
That so many girls cheered when she said it, though – that is interesting. It shows that these women in their twenties and thirties also resent the “Hey” approach. But what is really going on there? As I said before, “Hey” can work, and no doubt it had worked on many of the cheerers. Probably they’ve been banged out by cool Chads and then not heard from them for weeks, then got another “Hey” 10pm Tuesday.
You see, they want more beta from their alphas – they want more attention, commitment etc. – but they’ll still jump into bed with them. They won’t jump into bed with nice betas who try to take them out to dinner (though they will insist to you they would). They are sick of being treated like RealDolls by cool guys, but on the other hand they almost insist upon it.
No doubt the fortyish lady and her rapt audience have no insight into this whatsoever.
The event occurred some years ago, now that I think of it. By now she won’t even be getting “Heys”. She’ll just be getting wind-blown silence booming out at her from her iPhone. Her daughter’s phone, meanwhile, will get getting overheated with “Heys” and she’ll be picking out just a few of the most promising ones to be lucky enough to service her when the urge arises. Until she’s thirty, that is. And by the time she’s fortyish she’ll be giving speeches about how demeaning and sexist it all is and how Boys are Bad.