Book review of The Fables of Aesop.

Thousands of years later, these stories still have relevance.

To wit:

The Fox Who Had Lost His Tail

An ugly feminist was unconsciously so disgusted with herself that she tried to convince all the other girls to cut their hair short and dye it blue, get out of shape and get tattoos.  She said it was much more convenient that way and that they would receive much praise for their changes on Instagram.

The other girls said to her, “If you were not so repulsive yourself, you would not thus counsel us.”

The Old Man and Death

An incel loser working in a call centre got so tired and miserable that he took off his headset, lay his head on his desk, and besought Death to come.

Death appeared and asked why he had called him.

The worker hurriedly replied, “That you may place the headset again upon my head.”

The Wild Ass and the Lion

The Soviet Union and Nazi Germany entered into an alliance so that they might capture Poland with greater ease.  Germany agreed to assist the Soviet Union with its greater military strength, while the Soviet Union gave Germany increased manpower.  When they had taken Poland, Germany undertook to distribute the country, and for this purpose divided it into two shares.  “I will take the first share,” said Germany, “because I am the ruler of Europe; and the second share, as a partner with you in the invasion; and I’ll also take your country while I’m at it.”

Might makes right.

Curiously, it was hard to think of a good example of this. Countries attempting to dominate others in modern times very often come a cropper.  As the Nazis did, in the end.

The Mice in Council

The people of Bumfuckistan summoned a council to decide how they might best devise a means of freeing themselves from the tyranny of their great enemy, the Boss.  Among many plans suggested, the one that found most favour was the proposal to arrest him and put him on trial for his many atrocities.  But when the Bumfuckistanis further debated who among them should thus be the arresting officer, all grew quiet.

No one ever mentioned arresting the Boss again.

The Rivers and the Sea

A caravan of People of Colour from the south joined together to complain to the United States, saying, “Why is it that when we immigrate into your country we suffer unfair discrimination such as having lower levels of education, employment, higher crime rates and lower salaries?”

The United States, perceiving that they intended to throw the blame on her said, “Pray cease to immigrate into me, and then you will not be made lowly.”

The Hare and the Hound

The United States attempted to prevent the communist/nationalist takeover of South Vietnam, but after a long and bloody struggle, gave up the fight.  A hippie seeing him stop, mocked him, saying, “The little one is the best fighter of the two.”  The United States replied, “You do not see the difference between us.  I was only fighting for reasons of geopolitical strategy, but she for her life.”

The Traveler and Fortune

A foolish man lay bareback with a BPD girl, on the very brink of ejaculation.  Just as he was about to blow his load, Dame Fortune, it is said, appeared to him and stirring him from his lust thus addressed him: “Good sir, pray withdraw, for if you impregnate the BPD girl, the blame will be thrown on me, and I shall get an ill name among mortals; for I find that men are sure to impute their calamities to me, however much by their own folly they have really brought them on themselves.”

The Hen and the Golden Eggs

Shiteholtopia enjoyed a regular influx of tourists that boosted their foreign currency reserves.  “Hey,” said a wise minister, “We can make them go buy an exit visa before they leave, waste their time and make even more money out of them!”  But then the tourist numbers dwindled because of the new policy and the government had even less money than before.

The Fox and the Grapes

A try-hard pick-up artist saw some clusters of ripe young ladies hanging out in a noisy nightclub.  He resorted to all his tricks to get at them, but wearied himself in vain, for he could not seduce any of them.  At last he turned away, hiding his disappointment and saying, “Those girls have pointy elbows, anyway.”

The Gamecocks and the Partridge

A young Australian man moved to Bumfuckistan.  The Bumfuckis soon started to cause him trouble with all sorts of evil treatment because he was a stranger.  Not long afterwards he saw the Bumfuckis fighting together and not separating before one had well beaten the other.  The Australian then said to himself, “I shall no longer distress myself at being bullied by these Bumfuckis, when I see that they cannot even refrain from quarreling with each other.”

The Dove and the Crow

A woman trapped in Shitholtopia was boasting of the large number of young ones which she had borne.  A foreigner, hearing her, said: “My good friend, cease from this unseasonable boasting.  The larger the number of your family, the greater your cause of sorrow, in seeing them shut up in this prison-house.”

The Gnat and the Bull

A newcomer dropped by SovietMen and perused it for a long time.  Just as he was about to click over to Pushing Rubber Downhill, he left a comment, and inquired of Nikolai if he would like him to go.  Nikolai replied, “I did not know you had come, and I shall not miss you when you go away.”

Some men are of more consequences in their own eyes than in the eyes of their neighbours.

Just kidding, I luv youse all!

The Dogs and the Hides

Some teenage boys famished with horniness saw a number of hoochimamas bathing nekkid in a river.  Not being able to see their nubile bodies properly under the reflective surface of the water, they agreed to drink up the river, but it happened that they burst themselves with drinking long before they reached the boobs.

Attempt not impossibilities.

It’s like it was written yesterday.

One comment

  1. Pingback: Hysteria is fun | SovietMen

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