As my regulars know, I live in a place with very limited internet access. The useless government here doesn’t want to improve the connection as the influx of outside information and ability to organize would threaten their power. I can only update this blog when I’m out of the country, at which time I transfer articles over from Word files and schedule several months’ worth of posts all at once. That’s why I rarely respond to comments. And there you were thinking I was just an arrogant bastard.
On my most recent trip out I got back online and found a message from this ex. Here is our exchange:
I think of you a lot recently. Sometimes, I can’t fall asleep like now because I can’t forget our past…I was too eager for the relationship before. But now, I changed my mind, I don’t need relationship but just want to meet you again…
I promise I won’t be like crazy as before. If so, can we still meet?
I really miss you
[Ed – Don’t take this too seriously. She’s just after attention and affirmation. She probably sent out three or so of these Hail Marys to various fellas during the same lonely night. Last time I got a message like this from her I suggested a time and a place and she faltered. Anyway, let’s continue to my response:]
I miss you too
I suppose we could meet but I don’t know where or when
I can’t use this messaging app in [Bumfuckistan], internet is too slow. I only saw your msg cos im in Dubai. Email usually works: email@example.com
[At this stage she doesn’t know that I’ve moved to Africa. I send some photos. One of them is me with a donkey in the background]
Ok you look good and there’s a donkey behind you.
When will you come back
Don’t say that about my girlfriend
So, did you quit the job in [former company]?
Yeah, now I live in [Bumfuckistan]
You got a job there?
[She sends some photos of herself with her mum visiting a temple. She has put on a bit of weight.]
The conversation followed for a little while and we made vague plans to perhaps meet up in some third country at some point in the future. Don’t see it happening but the point is, in this exchange she never once asked me:
– What my new job is
– Why I am in Africa (note her lack of surprise or interest)
– What it is like here
– Whether it is dangerous
– How long my contract is
– What I have done here
– What I plan to do here, or what places I want to visit
– If I have been sick or experienced any difficulties
Or any other questions you can think of. She only focused on figuring out a time and place to meet that would be convenient to her.
You might think this is unique to her, given that I’ve already described her multiple lunacies. But it is not.
Just before I left Taiwan I was casually dating another girl. I told her I was leaving soon for Africa and she was okay with that. She never once asked me which particular country I was going to, why I was going there or for how long.
I’ve been on many dates with girls who don’t ask me a single question and spend the whole time talking about their trip to Hawaii and how much they like pudding from this awesome new place that just opened.
Generally, women ask strategic questions where necessary to their ends. Some examples:
What kind of work do you do? = How much money do you have?
Have you had any other [my nationality] girlfriends? = Are you just going to be my fun guy or can I screw commitment and resources out of you?
Actually now that I think of it, girls very rarely ask any questions other than those two. If I say anything about myself it is on my own initiative to keep the conversation moving.
When dating it is best to make the conversation flirty and stupid. I enjoy serious conversations with women but in situations where there is no sexual attraction. Even then the questions are few.
Compare this to the way men talk. We always want to know more about each other’s professions and experiences – not for any practical reason, or politeness, but simply because we are curious. ‘You’re a plasterer? Really? I heard there’s a slowdown in renovations because of the economy, what’s happening with that? Have you ever done any work in those Toorak mansions? Hey, have there been any changes in the way you do plaster over the past few hundred years?’ Etc.
Hint to the ladies: ask your targeted man questions about his life even if you find his career challenges and life dreams insufferably dull compared to the cake you’re going to take a photo of yourself eating. It will help to fool him into thinking you care about him as an individual and to reel him in for commitment. And then if you must you can divorce him, take his stuff and never speak to that dull grey rock again.