Schrödinger’s Pussy

serveimage.jpeg

As in the quantum thought experiment Scrödinger’s Cat, a woman’s sexual decision exists in a state of uncertainty which can only be described according to statistical probability.  Before being observed, she both does and does not want to sleep with you simultaneously.  The blur of statistical probability only collapses into one or the other definite state once observed; that is, when you bust a move.

Let’s demonstrate with an example back here on planet Earth.  Shortly after formulating this theory I went on a date with a nice looking lady.  We met in a cafe and she told me that in ten days she would be heading off to spend a year in New Zealand.  Oh, I thought.  She just wants to practice some English conversation before she leaves.  What a waste of my time.  I considered making an excuse for an immediate getaway.

Then I remembered my theory.  She does not yet know whether she wants to sleep with me or not because it is still a blur of statistical probability.  She might think that she knows but she does not.  Even if she has spare underwear, a toothbrush and variously sized condoms in her purse – even if she lied to her family that she’ll be staying at her cousin’s house tonight – she does not know for sure.  Even if she has lured me here in order for her gang to rob me and slit my throat she does not know for sure.  Either way, a girl can change her mind.

We finished our coffee and went for a walk.  I found every excuse to touch her – holding her hand ironically, pretending to push her into the river and so on.  Finally it was time to open Schrödinger’s box and see what was inside.

“Do you want to come over to my place for a drink?”

“What?”  She did the pretending not to hear thing.

“Do you want to come over to my place for a drink?”

“What, now?”

“Yes.”

“Your house?  Really?”  I grunted my disinterested affirmation.  I was not discovering her preexisting intention – I was causing her intention to condense into a solid state through observation.  It was a very interesting process once I looked at it this way and I was having fun.  “Don’t you live far away?” she asked.

“About fifteen minutes.”

“For a drink?  Do I have to buy something on the way?”

“I’ve got drinks.”

“What do you have?”

“Pretty much everything.”

“Like, beer?”

“Everything.”

“Hmm . . . if it’s not trouble . . . okay.”  We got home.  I showed her the fridge and told her to get whatever she wanted.  She took two beers and a small bottle of white wine and lined them before her on the coffee table.

Schrödinger’s Pussy had materialized into a positive state.

A scandalously short time later I was out with another girl and I was not receiving signals of attraction.  Normally I would have simply scheduled another date and left it at that.  With my new theory I instead chose to collapse the blurring pussy-state into a solid reality by inviting her over.  She agreed.  She would not drink.  She accompanied me to bed and got naked but was not up for anything more than hand action.  In this case Schrödinger’s Pussy had condensed into a negative state.  Had I not performed the observation it would still be a blur of unknowable possibilities.  Incidentally, the pussy state became positive a few days later.

What of my own intentions?  Do they only materialize into a firm state once tested?  It doesn’t feel like it but I’m sure both of those girls would have said the same thing.  Not that I discussed it with them.

Perhaps all future states, including psychological ones, are a whizzing blur of probability that only solidify into reality once observed.  And yet, Einstein’s view of timespace would have it that both the past and the future are just as real as the present, and that, in physical terms, there is no such thing as ‘now’.  No moment in timespace is any different to any other.  It is an illusion caused by our subjective perception of the universe.

Well, I can’t untangle it.  Got laid, but.

 

Further reading:  I Was a Good Man

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s